While chatting with a friend about her business, she shared with me how confused she was by some of her leader’s comments.
The long and short of the discussion was that when my friend announced, to her leader, the plans she had for her advancement (expecting to be affirmed) she was greeted by the voice of an Evaluator: correcting and limiting.
How often do we blurt out a reply without considering the impact of our words? Those tiny little words can lift or limit. As leaders our role is to bring the best out in people…to encourage and empower them. Yet, often you see people who are in a leadership role limit or discourage and they can even at times be a bit dismissive with their words. I know it is not intentional so my reason for this blog topic is to bring some awareness.
Many years ago I read a wonderful book by Joyce Landorf Heatherley, Balcony People, which truly should be a “MUST READ” for anyone in a leadership position. It is a book on the importance of affirmation.
-comments written to describe the book…‘There are some people in the “balconies” of our lives who cheer us on, energizing us by their warm affirmations. There are others who live down in the “basement,” coldly tearing away at our souls with their unfair and critical judgments.’
It is about relationship…. About there being two basic types of people in the world: the evaluators and the affirmers.
Many of us have heard the voice of the Evaluator. I shudder at the thought of some of the comments I received over the years from the evaluators in my life. In school an off handed comment from a teacher stating to the class that I was a messy person because I accidently dropped my binder and all the papers came flying out. Ridiculous but none the less hurtful! Another experience with an Evaluator was during a fundraiser campaign to sell advertisements. I went into a small local store with my offer and was declined and told I was not cut out for sales because I was not bold enough.
Yes, Evaluators show up throughout life but the key is to make sure you are not allowing them into your circle of influence on a regular basis.
Effective leaders are the special Affirmers in our life. Whether your role is teacher, boss, friend, coach, parent, or spouse we all impact the lives of those around us.
Joyce, in her book asks, “Who is the special affirmer who catches quick glimpses of the flames from the fires of your potential and tells you so?”
Balcony People LISTEN and sincerely CARE. They look for opportunities to encourage others. To bring out the best in others by validating them and believing in them and in their dreams.
I define it in 3 words… Lead, Lift and Model…
- Lead with care and consideration
- Lift with words of affirmation
- Model acts of kindness
I have also heard it said, Become a Person of Increase. Which means to add value to every interaction with the people around you.
Who is the affirmer in your life? Who by a few words has changed or lifted your opinion of yourself. Affirmers help you to discover yourself through encouragement and sincere interest. Everyone needs someone to believe in them…It might be called an Amen Corner, a Cheering Squad or even a Fan Club…Some call it a Circle of influence. Have you developed yours?
It is said that the 5 people we most often communicate with have the strongest influence on our lives. So who are your Balcony people?
“KEEP AWAY FROM PEOPLE WHO TRY TO BELITTLE YOUR AMBITIONS. SMALL PEOPLE ALWAYS DO THAT, BUT THE REALLY GREAT MAKE YOU FEEL THAT YOU, TOO, CAN BECOME GREAT.” – Mark Twain
Great Leaders are Balcony People? Our role is to guide but not to discourage. Ask yourself, as a leader, are you an Affirmer to others?
